


Courtship

by BestApplePie



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Animalabuse, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of Violence, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 11:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9383408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestApplePie/pseuds/BestApplePie





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cmk418](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmk418/gifts).



The first thing she noticed was her hands. Gloria had the most beautiful, slender hands. Gloria, with her warm smile and her soft grip - others would have called it a wimpy handshake - stood out in this place like a sore thumb.

Diane gave her a month.

The month passed and Gloria was still there, her hands still soft - but her grip firmer - and her smile more forced. 

“So, how are you liking it here?” Diane asked as she slipped her uniform on, watching the other woman struggle with her boot’s zipper.

“Oh, I’ve seen worse… though I can’t think of anything right now…” 

Diane grinned. “Yeah, that’s what I tell people when they ask me about the job, too.”

“The amount of lame pick up lines I’ve had to deal with…”

“Tell me about it. You have to be firm with them, show them there’s no chance whatsoever to get something.” Maybe not as easy for her. Gloria was a beautiful woman.

She sighed, shrugging. “These guys make me appreciate my husband.”

For a moment, Diane felt at a loss at what to say - she hadn’t thought Gloria was married - but why shouldn’t she be - and an uncomfortable silence settled between them. 

“Well,” she started, “I’ve had my share of idiots on the outside, too.”

“But come on, do these guys here really think they have a chance? As if I’d ever waste my time on some loser.”

Diane almost agreed, but then she thought about Didi and that - at least in that aspect - her father hadn’t been a total waste. “They do that with everyone. Even Sister Pete isn’t safe.” 

Gloria snorted and rolled her eyes. “Even that poor, old woman…”

“They voted her number two of Oz’s sexiest women last year.”

Gloria grinned, closing the locker door. “So, who was number one then?” 

Diane couldn’t help but grin, too. 

“That would be me.”

Gloria laughed, and Diane knew in an instant she wouldn’t make it to number one this year.

* * *

“So they really have a prison newspaper here?”

“It’s an on and off thing. Ever since Meisner got out a few months ago not a single article has been written.”

“So they had a prison newspaper.”

Diane nodded, shrugging after shutting her locker. “The new guy in charge lacks Meisner’s passion for journalism, I guess.” 

That paper hadn’t been a bad thing. Diane had read an edition over lunch once. It’d been something between a school’s newspaper and a women’s magazine and while it had probably been a good thing to distract the prisoners with meaningless crap like questionnaires, voting for best and worst CO and articles on why divorcing their cheating wife was still better than organizing their murder, she had always felt that a newspaper like that would have had the potential to make her job even more difficult, and if there was one thing she didn’t need…

“How come they even got to make their own newspaper?” Gloria asked, neatly hanging her clothes into the locker.

“Tim McManus. He’s a sucker for ideas like that.” Ideas that annoyed her to no end. Why couldn’t he just leave things the way they were? She just wanted to go to work, go home, get paid and take care of her family.

“I guess change isn’t bad.”

“It is here, believe me,” Diane said as she looked the woman dead in the eyes. “Change means unforeseeable situations, and that means we aren’t prepared for whatever these guys here come up with to make life difficult for us. Maybe it’s different with you guys at medward but as a CO…”

“I’ve never heard anyone utter a single bad word about you,” Gloria replied.

Diane shrugged. It wasn't like she cared - it wasn’t a popularity contest. “For a lot of these guys we are the enemy. Not whatever they did to land them here, not the system… They need something they can throw shit on.” Sometimes literal shit, but telling a woman like Gloria about something like that felt inappropriate somehow. “And we’re the closest there is.”

Gloria sighed, shrugging. “Must be hard, putting up with that.”

“You do what you have to do.”

* * *

“Another day, another shift in Tim’s little pet project.”

“Emerald City? How is it working out?” Gloria pulled her hair back to tie it tightly. It wouldn’t last. It never did. The woman had a mane like a lion.

“As expected. It doesn’t.” 

Gloria laughed briefly. “It can’t be that bad.”

“Believe me, it is. First, Schibetta tried to bribe himself into the unit, when that didn’t work he tried to blackmail himself into it. And then Tim, instead of focusing on cases where he’d actually make a difference, takes it as a challenge. The Godfather.” Diane snorted.

“Seriously?”

“I wish I was kidding. The guy moves in and a week later he has somehow moved three of his goons in. And he’s not the only career criminal in there.” Gloria raised an eyebrow. “Schillinger, Kaene, Torres - if you ask me they are beyond help. They just wanted in because it’s more comfortable than Gen pop.”

“Have you talked to Tim about it?”

Diane sighed. She shouldn’t have opened that can of worms - the whole thing was tiring her out already. “He has his head too far up his ass… or maybe he’s just naive, but it won’t help having that argument. As long as I’m paid, what do I care...”

“I don’t know, if something was wrong and I didn’t notice I’d want someone to tell me.”

Diane closed the locker and turned to her. Gloria fumbled with the button on her blouse that got caught in her wristwatch. Gloria wasn’t a lean woman like Diane was - Gloria was soft and curvy. And she was a lady - while Diane preferred practical clothes and underwear in almost any situation, Gloria liked lace and silk, even if it was just for work and nobody would see. 

Diane grinned. “Well, then I have something to tell you.”

“Oh?”

“You got your panties on backwards.”

Blushing really suited her. Diane couldn’t help it. She laughed.

And Gloria did, too.

* * *

“Then he tried to flush it down. And that caused the toilet to overflow. I was standing right next to it and this brown mess ran all over... “

Diane shuddered. Getting along well with the inmates meant she had been spared the behavior some of her colleagues had to put up with - the feeling of adult shit seeping into her shoe wasn’t something she had experienced before. Until Torres proved that the piping just couldn’t handle a shiv wrapped in three tennis socks. Today had just been too much.

Her shoes were ruined, too. The last thing she felt like doing was getting new shoes for this shit-job. 

“I just need a break,” she sighed, “but I can’t afford it. I need those shifts.”

“I heard you even sleep here sometimes…”

“You know how it is, you got a late shift followed by an early one… Not like I get to see Didi anyway, might as well use the hours to sleep.” 

“We’ll have a pajama-party next time,” Gloria grinned. 

Diane smiled. “Looking forward to it. I’ll bring ice cream.”

“Will it last that long in the community fridge?”

“I’ll hide it in a bag of frozen peas.”

They laughed and the day didn’t seem so bad all of a sudden. Gloria had that effect on her - she’d noticed how the grip on her steering wheel hadn’t been so cramped up whenever they’d had those talks in the locker room after a shift ended, and she was less miserable during her shift whenever she got to see Gloria beforehand.

It had been so long since she got to spend time with a female friend.  
She still needed to pick shifts for next week. 

Maybe there were still some left with Gloria.

* * *

She hummed. Diane didn’t recognize the melody, but she hadn’t heard Gloria hum anything before, so this was a new one.

“You seem to be in a good mood today,” she remarked as she opened the door. Gloria stopped and turned around, her smile broadening.

“Today is just a good day, that’s all.” 

“A pity you have to waste it here then, isn’t it?” Diane grinned.

“Oh, I’m starting to think it isn’t all bad.”

Diane raised her eyebrows. That was a new one. Did she hit her head or something? She took a few moments to glance at the other woman’s head but she couldn’t make out anything unusual. 

Maybe Gloria was just a positive person. Somewhere, between the primitive pick-up lines, the day to day violence and the aids ward the woman was trying to keep her spirits up, and while Diane would have been utterly annoyed had it been anyone else spewing that kind of bullshit, with Gloria she found it to be kind of endearing.

Maybe Gloria was right. Maybe it wasn’t all bad.

* * *

“You’re humming again.”

“So? I’m in a good mood.”

“Now that’s a rare sight in a place like this. How come?”

Gloria smiled, white teeth like pearls. “Do I need a reason to be in a good mood?” 

Diane shrugged and got up to get herself a cup of coffee only to find the machine broken again. “Alright, who do we need to sacrifice to get a machine that doesn’t break down every three weeks?”

“The proper question is: whom do we need to sacrifice to? We have some blood conserves that are due next week.”

“That’s a nice idea, but when I said that this machine is bleeding us dry I meant that figuratively,” Glynn entered the office, his face impassive as if he hadn’t just joined in on the banter, greeting them with with no more than a slight nod.

“Diane, Jokowsky has called in sick for the week. I know you always want more hours, so I thought I’d give you first pick on his shifts.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Jamie’s sick, too. Looks like something’s in the air. If this goes on I’m going to have to run the whole prison myself.”

She took the timetable handed to her, scanning it for Jokowsky’s name. Medward. Usually that would have bothered her - she couldn’t afford to catch something - but if Gloria was there it would be more bearable than her usual shifts.

Glynn coughed, stepping a bit closer. “I was hoping you could take over his shifts tomorrow, too. I know it’s short notice, but we really need someone for medward.”

She nodded before getting up. Thank God Didi was old enough to look after herself as much as she did. Still, Glynn owed her. Not everyone was willing to sacrifice their day off that easily. 

She reached the gates of Unit B shortly after only to be stopped by Thomson and Hodge, blocking it, arguing. Hodge, a tall man build like a bear, was gripping an inmate’s upper arm tightly, obviously getting more and more annoyed by the whole thing.

“Look, if Doctor Nathan wants to see him I’m not going to argue with her. I’m not a doctor, I’m here to do my fucking job.”

Was he talking about Gloria? 

“But don’t you think it’s weird? You know Nathan is hispanic, too, don’t you? We should tell somebody, what if she’s like -”

“Oh, come on, you watch too many movies! Now get off my case already!” Hodge pushed the other CO out of his way, dragging the young inmate behind him. 

Diane took a few moments to look after them. She remembered seeing the inmate before - Sanchez? At least she thought that was his name, though she wasn’t sure. She disliked looking at the young ones more than the others. There was something about young lives wasted that still bothered her. 

What bothered her even more was Thomson and his ridiculous theories. 

“What did you mean earlier? About Doctor Nathan?”

The short man looked at her, shrugging. “I just thought -”

“Maybe you should keep your thoughts to yourself,” she cut him off in her harshest tone, “instead of starting rumors that have no foundation whatsoever.”

As if Gloria would have ever… Diane was no stranger to rumors but the very thought filled her with indignation. On no basis whatsoever. It could have ruined Gloria’s career - her marriage - and this imp… She clenched her fist in anger as she stepped past him, suppressing the urge to ‘accidentally’ bump into him.

* * *

She strolled through the hallway leisurely. Though most of the beds in medward were occupied it was a quiet day. 

Whatever bug was spreading kept the inmates tired and the bedpans full. Gloria had assured her that as long as she washed her hands regularly she’d be fine. She had to be content with that. Worrying too much in her line of work just led to gray hairs way too early in life.

So she enjoyed the relative silence only disturbed by a few moans and splashing sounds that she had learned to easily ignore over her dating years. These guys had nothing on some of her exes. She couldn’t help grinning as the picture of Liam on his couch entered her mind. The man had always had a penchant for dramatics, but the performance he had delivered when he had caught that stomach bug was something that had set the bar quite high. 

She left the patients’ room and entered the corridors. She sighed. The light was broken again. Glynn really needed to have someone come in and redo the whole wiring. 

She leaned against the wall. Looked like the light in the next corridor was going to go next. She could see two shadows whenever it flickered on again, getting closer.

“Wittlesey, that you?” Hodge. ”The light is -”

“Yeah, it’s broken.” 

Hodge appeared even taller and broader in the darkness. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. 

Hodge had always been a rather silent man - and Diane could appreciate that. 

“This is my last week. Thank God. I have been waiting for that day.”

“Oh?” She hadn’t known Hodge was leaving. Lucky bastard. “How come?”

“My sister needs help with her business in Alaska,” Hodge smiled. “I wanted to live there ever since I got to visit once.”

“What does she do, your sister?”

“She and her husband own some properties.” He shrugged. “Woodland, too, and a few inns.”

“Wow, looks like they got it made… so why are you working here?”

“My wife didn’t get along with my sister and… it’s a long story. But I divorced the harpy and now I’m free to go wherever I want to go and do whatever I want to do.”

She’d never thought about Hodge much - it felt foreign, hearing him talk about something personal. 

She never thought about any of her coworkers that much. Her own problems occupied her plenty. 

“I always liked you, Wittlesey,” Hodge took a long drag. “You don’t deal in bullshit. Keep it up.”

For a few moments they stood there in silence, Hodge smoking his cigarette. She wanted to return the compliment, but after just realizing how little she knew about the man she would have felt dishonest doing so. 

“I’m happy for you,” she said, “starting a new life, I wish you the best.”

Hodge smiled before stubbing out the cigarette. “Thank you. Same to you. Now, Sanchez, time for your doctor’s appointment.”

Sanchez? She’d almost forgotten about the second shadow. There, behind Hodge in the dark, she hadn’t noticed his thin frame. 

But it was the same inmate that Thomson said had been seen by Gloria frequently. Of course whatever Thomson was getting at was ridiculous. But still… 

It wasn’t spying. She was doing her job. Keeping trouble from happening.

She nodded to Hodge on his way out and waited a few moments - she walked the room up and down a few times before halting next to the door, leaning against the wall.

She could hear faint voices. Spanish?

She couldn’t tell for sure. She needed to get in but… she couldn’t just barge in like that. 

She walked over to the rooms with the beds. Billie Keane moaned. Then he whimpered. 

He was putting on a show. Good enough, she decided.

She opened the door in one swift motion and without knocking. 

Gloria was standing there, her hand cupping his face. 

He noticed her first, large amber eyes staring at her. Gloria’s dark ones - like molten, dark chocolate - followed his gaze until they met her’s. 

“Diane?” She raised her eyebrows. “I’m examining a patient.”

“Billy Keane seems to be doing really bad. I think you should see him.”

“What about the nurses?”

Diane shrugged.

“God, slacking off again!” Gloria hissed. Then, softer: “Diane, please take him back to Em city,” and even softer, “Em - Sanchez, remember what I told you. Warm clothes and don’t forget to wash your hands. We’ll finish this tomorrow, I hope.”

“Yes, Doctor Nathan.”

And then she was gone - Diane could hear her faint cursing. 

She waited for Sanchez to finish as he fumbled with the thin shirt. What had they been talking about? Finish what? The examination, right?

Sanchez was her patient and he needed frequent care - nothing unusual. They didn’t make up stupid rumors whenever Rebadow needed to go to medward. 

But Rebadow was an old man and he wasn’t Latino. But still… what was in it for her? Gloria drove a nice car - she didn’t seem to have money problems. But why was she working here then?

* * *

“So after the supermarket declined my application because my ex and his idiot friends used to occupy their parking lot with their bikes and leave trash everywhere,” Diane coughed. And her, she used to be right there in the middle, laughing when he threw half-empty slushie cups against the windows. But she didn’t feel like telling Gloria that. “I moved. I tried to stay as long as I could so Didi could stay in school with her friends, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. My ex was being a pain in the ass for a while, but after he got himself arrested at least that was over… But I had bills to pay left and right and with that reputation I had as his wife I just couldn’t find a job.”

Gloria nodded. “You had to move, you didn’t have a choice.”

“Yes, but after Didi had been through so much… We lived with my mother for a while and this is the only job I got in a three hour driving distance… I didn’t want to force Didi to move again, she had just made her first friends at school and…” She sighed. 

Gloria smiled and grabbed her hand. “You did the right thing. You are a great mother.”

“Didi is a great kid,” Diane picked at her mac n’ cheese, cutting the macaroni into smaller pieces with her fork. It was overcooked. She tried a piece.

Whoever had cooked this needed to be banned from ever entering a kitchen again. 

“This is disgusting… The things you put up with for family…” Diane put her fork down and leaned back. She was going to diet today, she decided. “Why are you here, anyway? With a degree in medicine there has got to be better work out there.”

Gloria shrugged, her dark curls falling down her shoulders. “They aren’t hiring at the hospital. Only job in medicine I got in driving distance from our home.” Her features twisted into an angry frown. “Preston doesn’t want to move. Mommy and Daddy can’t be farther than five minutes, where else is he going to go to bitch about me? Or get lasagna just how mom makes it? Because I never make it right.”

Diane raised her eyebrows.

“You know his mom came over yesterday to show me how it’s done properly? As if I give a crap, I order the damn thing in,” she snorted. “I didn’t go to medschool to sit at home all day and play housewife. Even this crap stint here is better…”

“You got no kids?”

Gloria shook her head. “We used to want to have some, but now I’m glad we didn’t.”

Diane nodded. She understood Gloria. Gloria’s marriage was making her unhappy - but divorce was a decision so very difficult, even with a marriage like Diane’s it had been. She remembered sitting up at night, wondering. What would life be like after the divorce? What would she do? Where would she live? How would she pay the rent? Would she ever find someone again? Divorced with a kid? And her daughter…

“If it hadn’t been for my daughter I don’t know if I could have ever gotten my life back together the way I did.” 

“You seeing someone again? After the divorce?”

She had seen a few people, but never anything long-lasting. She didn’t know if she wanted to expose Didi to that, either. 

“I’ve been on a few dates.” She grinned. “Wanna go out with me and experience the magic?”

Gloria laughed. God, was she beautiful. All her suspicions were ridiculous. No way Gloria could ever do anything bad.

* * *

“He wasn’t like that in college, you know,” she shrugged. Gloria’s dark hair fell over her shoulder and her eyes had a distant look. “He used to be fun. Carefree. We met at a party...”

“I’ve heard about those parties,” Diane grinned. 

Gloria grinned, too. “Those were wild times. I made out with a girl once, you know.”

“Oh?” Diane raised an eyebrow. Not like she was a stranger to making out with other women - she had gone far beyond that one - but she didn’t expect a woman like Gloria to admit that so easily.

Gloria sighed. “That came out wrong… I sounded…”

“It’s alright,” Diane smiled. “I have made some… experiences in that regard, too.”

“See, and if Preston was here he’d tell me to watch out in the locker room.” She rolled her eyes. “Just in case. Then he’d look at me all worried, like he always does. Poor me wouldn’t know how to handle a situation like that… ”

Gloria frowned and took a sip from her coffee. “It’s his stupid worrying that drove me to... “ She shook her head. “Forget it. I have to go back to work.”

Diane watched her get up and leave, and for a moment all she could think about was that she hated to see Gloria angry. 

Then a different thought crossed her mind. “Drove her to do what?”

* * *

Brownies. Delicious, sweet, classic brownies. She had heard the stories.

Five years ago - before Diane had started working at Oswald Correctional Facility - Lisa Sadowski had become pregnant and had left work to focus on her children. In her wake she had left a team of moaning Correctional Officers yearning for the woman’s baking. The Mondays had never been the same ever since.

When news reached them that Lisa had decided to work past-time again excitement had flared up. They had cleaned up the breakroom. Brought a plant and a tablecloth, made a big banner welcoming her back. Everyone who didn’t know her had been instructed - some threatened - to be extraordinarily nice to her lest she leave again.

Today was the first day Diane got to see what all the fuss was about. Lisa, a petite woman with dark, short hair had introduced herself a week ago, but whenever Diane got to the break room there was nothing but an empty platter with notes stuck to it, thanking her for the wonderful baking. Now she was standing in front of a mountain of the most delicious smelling brownies. 

She grabbed one and took a sniff. God, she was drooling already. 

She took a bite. For a moment, there was just chocolatey goodness. The dread of a Monday morning was melting away, like the brownie melted in her mouth. 

Then it started. 

A hand in her field of vision - several, all grabbing for the baked goods. 

The room had filled up in seconds. She needed to react fast. She wriggled through the mass until only one stood before her and the brownies - Thomson. She pushed him aside a little too eagerly and grabbed what she could until she lost ground again and found herself at the door. 

Two brownies. She looked at the pieces proudly. Today was a winning day. 

She took a large bite. Delicious.

She should save the other one for Gloria. She deserved one, too.

* * *

She and Gloria would need to team up, she decided. Today was lucky - they would need better strategies to get to the break room before the stampede. 

She hoped Gloria would share her enthusiasm. She looked at the brownie wrapped in paper - the chocolate layer on top had soaked through - but it should still be good.

“Officer Wittlesey, do you have a shift here?” Nurse Grace peeked out of the supply room, looking at her expectantly. “It’s about time that we get more COs in here.”

“Sorry Nurse Grace, just on my break, delivering something to Gloria.”

“Oh.” Grace’s face fell. “Well, you can leave it here, she’s with…” her upper lip curled up, ”... a patient.” 

There was no way Diane was going to leave that brownie to anyone but Gloria. “I’ll wait.”

And she did. 

It took forever. Her break was up and Gloria was still in there. 

She thought about it for a few moments. Patient-doctor-confidentiality was a joke in here anyway. She’d just slip in, put the brownie on the table and be back to her shift.

But when she opened the door she froze.

One of Gloria’s beautiful hands was stroking his black hair and the other was on his naked back. 

Diane had been to enough doctors to tell that that wasn’t part of the examination process.

She closed the door.

Nurse Grace was standing there, looking at her. She handed her the brownie.

“Here, you can have it.”

* * *

“Is that the leftover pizza from yesterday?”

“It was already leftover pizza yesterday.” Diane sighed. She didn’t feel like discussing pizza or the crappy canteen food or in this case both.

“I’m going to start packing my own lunches from now on I think.” Gloria sat down as if nothing was wrong, and for some reason it annoyed Diane. “And here I thought one of the few perks of this job would be not worrying about lunch.”

Diane snorted. Gloria sure had found other perks as well, hadn’t she? 

Not like Diane couldn’t understand on some level. She had made so many bad relationship choices in her life, she was the last one ever entitled to judge. Gloria lacked the experience Diane had made and Sanchez was a beautiful man. Or a boy. Gloria could have almost been his mother…

But no matter how she looked at it, it was a bad idea through and through. Gloria was risking her job, maybe even her licence. Weren’t there laws about doctors hooking up with their patients? Even if there weren’t, she was pretty sure there were laws about that kind of relationship with inmates. 

But she couldn’t tell Gloria that she knew. Gloria would think that Diane had spied on her and just deny the whole thing. Plus she really didn’t want anyone in the cafeteria to hear.  
“So I’ve been watching this show about doctors recently,” she started. Maybe this would work. Subtlety had never been her strong suit. “That’s really what’s going on behind the scenes in hospitals?”

“A lot more paperwork and a lot less sex in the duty room.”

“Ah, yes, relationships in the workplace...” No, that’s not how she’d wanted to voice it. “You know, patient and doctor… that’s like CO… or prison staff and inmate… that’s only trouble.” She shook her head. “Never ends well… one of the worst ideas you could have in this place...”

Gloria stared at her, frowning. “Why are you telling me this?”

Diane shrugged. “No particular reason.”

“Alright, that wasn’t weird at all.” She finished the last two bites of pizza on her plate. “I’m going. I got patients to look after. See you later.”

* * *

It had been a tough week. Diane sat down on the bench. First Didi caught that stomach bug and then she had that pipe burst in her bathroom. And her landlord… 

She sighed. If she could afford it or had any paid vacation left she’d take a few days off to recover from dealing with that woman alone.

“So, how was your vacation, Doctor Singer?”

“Ah, yes, Florida’s lovely this time of the year. You starting your shift?” 

“No, just finished” Grace sighed loudly enough for her to hear it through the closed door. “And guess what I discovered doing inventory…”

“Benzodiazepines and Opiates again?”

“Doctor Nathan’s loverboy visits...” She paused. “Aaand they disappear.”

“Well, we always had that problem, even before Doctor Nathan started to work here.”

“But not on this scale! Just think about it! Either her junkie boyfriend is here to distract her while his buddies steal or she’s in on it, too! Who knows, maybe she’s even using herself…”

“I will tell her to be more careful, watch out better for the inmates. Maybe she didn’t take me serious when I explained it the first time. We don’t have to assume the worst, do we?

“I’m not the only one thinking this. All the other nurses, the other doctors, they think so, too.”

She had heard enough. That little shit was using Gloria and he was about to ruin her. And Gloria was completely oblivious to the truth. 

Diane needed to warn her before her career was damaged permanently. Accusations like these were hard to shake off anywhere, but in a job like Gloria’s…

* * *

“Gloria, we need to talk.”

Gloria looked up from her desk. “Now? I have-”

“It can’t wait” Diane closed the door and made her way over to the other woman, not bothering with sitting down. “You need to stop seeing Sanchez.”

“What? He’s my patient.”

“You know what I mean, Gloria! He’s only using you! He’s distracting you while his buddies grab whatever they can!”

“That’s ridiculous!” She slammed her hand on the table and got up.

“It’s true, and people are noticing and talking already! Gloria, this can cost you your job!”

“Enough, I don’t care about gossip! If that’s all you have to say to me, you can leave.”

“Gloria, I-”

But Gloria had already walked over to the door and opened it, waving her out. “I’m very busy, Diane, leave my office.”

“Just listen!”

“Leave. NOW.”

And Diane left. She knew that look on Gloria’s face - the look of someone who didn’t want to listen to reason, who didn’t want to know better. Arguing was pointless. 

She just hoped it wouldn’t cost Gloria too dearly.

* * *

It had been a week since that argument with Gloria and Gloria had refused to talk to her ever since. She was sulking. And still seeing Sanchez.

Sanchez, the root of all that trouble. She sighed. If only she could pluck him out or something. 

She leaned against the railing, watching the people below. The Keane brothers sat with Post and the new one - the African. Simon Adebesi? Something like that. He was the one who chopped up that undercover cop with a machete. At least Kaene seemed to have him under control. 

A few tables further Schillinger held his little Bible study. She snorted. Apart from that child-fiddling priest Schillinger was probably the biggest hypocrite in the whole building. 

And on the other side of the hall, El Norte. Everyone’s favorite gang. Torres sat there smoking his cigarette, his goons around him. And there was the rest, flocking to the big guy. They were arguing - was that Sanchez in the middle? She tried to concentrate - she couldn’t understand much. Just a few fragments - in Spanish. They were becoming more and more agitated - Sanchez looked pleading - desperate.

Served him right. 

It was his fault that Gloria would be in trouble. His fault that Diane and Gloria didn’t talk anymore. 

She watched them for a while - Torres standing up and the others quieting down. More talking, and then they all left, with only Torres staying behind. Sanchez hadn’t looked too happy.

If it were anyone else she might have followed them. She knew that there was trouble ahead - but of all people out there, she couldn’t bring herself to care about the guy. “Let him have his beating”, she thought, “he deserves it.” 

He had gotten Gloria into this situation and Diane into a fight with her. He had effectively ruined her last week - she had gotten used to having Gloria - a friend - somebody she could care about - around and now that she knew what she was missing - she had been miserable. She was miserable. She hated the job like never before and it was his fault.

If she could she’d donate a few punches. That loser running around, ruining Gloria’s career, ruining their relationship. She hoped they’d break his pretty face. Maybe then Gloria would see some sense.

She watched the door that they had disappeared into for a while but eventually grew bored. Not that there was anything exciting happening down there to offer entertainment though.

Schibetta and his buddies were playing cards. The man had been… different, lately. Tense. She heard something about some busts having been made and some mobsters arrested and wondered dimly if they’d show up here, too. He should have been happy then, they could certainly need the numbers. Diane wasn’t stupid. She knew that those guys were high up in the prisoner hierarchy, knew that despite Glynn’s best efforts they were still running a large chunk of the drug trade in here. But strength lied in numbers and theirs were dwindling. Nobody gave them much time - that they were able to hold their position as long as they did was a feat of its own. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know how they managed that one.

Her gaze fell on Rebadow - visibly more relaxed than Schibetta - reading his magazine. If anyone had done prison right, it was this guy. Avoided all trouble until he had become the funny old guy nobody bothered to harass. Maybe he really had somebody up there to give him the right pointers.

“Fuck” Hill cursed loud enough for her to hear it up here when the card house he had been building collapsed. Ah well, with his life sentence he had enough time to try again.

She stopped watching the wheelchair bound man when Ruiz and Castaneda entered her line of vision. 

She looked around. Some other members of El Norte had returned, too. Did some of these guys change? Pineda hurried to his cell - his clothes looked stained, but she couldn’t see it well from the distance. 

She couldn’t see Sanchez anywhere. Maybe she made a mistake. Her eyes stayed fixated on the door. Rosario, Bonilla, Mata, Trejo, Dejesus, they all came back, five, ten, fifteen minutes apart, one after the other, some with dark stains on their clothes. 

They had all returned - all but Sanchez. 

She left her spot and took the stairs down in a hurry - a knot was forming in her throat. If Sanchez was dead… She didn’t want this. All she had wanted was for him and Gloria to stop fucking and for her and Gloria to at least start talking again.

She threw the door open and entered the hallway. The broom closet was empty. So was the storage room. That left the old showers. She opened the door - the stench of blood, piss and vomit hit her immediately. 

Her hand searched for the lightswitch. Somewhere, in the dark, there was the sound of retching, sobbing. 

That meant he was still alive. Thank God. If he had died… maybe she might have been able to save her job, but would Gloria have ever talked to her again if that had happened? She would have blamed her for sure - rightfully so. 

There was the damn thing. The lights flickered on slowly. 

And there, lying curled up on the grey tiles was Sanchez, naked, covered in bruises and cuts, blood everywhere, vomit on his hands, on the floor, mashing up with the blood. There were chunks of hair and skin on the floor and big, gaping wounds on his head. 

“Sanchez?” 

He didn’t answer. He didn’t even look at her - he just stared, tears trailing down his face, his whole body trembling. 

This was her fault.

* * *

Usually, she declined invitations like this. But after her shift had finished, Tim McManus had caught her on the parking lot and if there ever was a day to have a few beers after a shift it was today. She was beat. 

After seeing what she saw today - she closed her eyes, trying not to think of the tormented body, the empty eyes, the wails and the begging that started the second someone had touched him - God, she needed that drink so badly.

Tim was looking at her, eyebrows furrowed. “Today sucked.”

She nodded silently, taking another sip from the bottle in front of her. 

“The coffee machine broke down again, too.” A smile appeared on his face, but it didn’t reach his weary eyes.

“Leaked water all over the floor in the staff room.”

Diane nodded politely. She didn’t really give a crap. The last thing she wanted today was more coffee to keep her awake.

“So there’s water all over the floor, and I’m sitting on the table with Gloria, when Lawrence-”

Wait. “You were sitting with Gloria?”

“Yes, and then Lawrence-”

“Today? Today’s her day off.”

“Oh, she took the late shift for Doctor Singh… you didn’t hear? Some idiot wasn’t careful with a scalpel, ended up in the poor doctor’s foot this afternoon…”

“Gloria is there? Right now?”

Tim shrugged. 

Fuck. That meant… She didn’t want Gloria to have to go through this… she wanted her to break it off with Sanchez because starting the whole affair had been a bad idea in the first place. She wanted Gloria to be safe, didn’t want her to be hurt. She certainly didn’t want her to have to stitch her boyfriend’s tattered asshole together. 

She needed to go see her. See if she was alright. 

“I need to go back,” she said, more to herself than to Tim. 

“Why?” Tim looked at her, eyebrows raised, a questioning look on his face.

“I… forgot something… I still have...” She couldn’t come up with anything, but she got up anyway. 

“Diane, wait!”

* * *

She couldn’t afford to break any speed limits, but she did it anyway. She had fucked up - and because of that, Gloria might be hurt. She didn’t want her to be hurt.

She wanted Gloria to smile and laugh and be happy. Always. And she wanted to be happy with her. 

It hit her for the first time that she didn’t just like Gloria - she loved her. 

And when she heard her sobs in the locker room it almost broke her heart. Gloria was sitting on the bench, her hands pressed against her face, shaking with every sob. Diane almost tiptoed closer - unsure what to do.

“Gloria?” she whispered. When the other woman didn’t answer, louder: “Gloria?”

Gloria looked up, her face blushed, her eyes red and puffy, tears and snot trailing down her face, over her full lips.

“You!” she almost screamed. “This is your fault.” Gloria got up, slamming her hand against the locker next to her. “If you... “ She took a deep breath. “If you hadn’t told me, I would have never started locking them up!”

Gloria looked so angry - Diane felt paralyzed, unable to react, dumbfounded at what the other woman said. She expected Gloria to be sad - shaken - in need of comfort - but not like this. Not so enraged - so livid.

“They did this to him, because they couldn’t get them anymore!” Her voice cracked. “They needed to find another use for him! Another way to pay back his debts...”

“Gloria, please, calm down.”

She spread out her arms, showing her coat, her scrubs - covered in blood and vomit. “And they beat him, and they raped him, and all that because of what? Some drugs! Because I locked them up! Because you started all that shit-talk and…” 

She buried her hands in her hair. “Because I trusted you and thought that maybe you are right…” She snorted. “And I thought I could have this under control and we could stop arguing… and I didn’t think one second what it meant for him… What they’d think… If they had thought he snitched he could be dead...” She shook her head, strands of her curly hair falling into her face. “With what they have done to him...” She whispered. “It’s my fault they punished him…”

Diane took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault, Gloria”, she said firmly. “He got himself into this mess and pulled you down with him.”

Gloria stared at her. For a second, she thought about grabbing the other woman’s hand, but decided against it. “These things, they never end well… Believe me, I know, my ex… I loved him, too, but he was just so hopeless… the only thing we can do is distance ourselves from toxic relationships like that and look for someone-”

She couldn’t finish the sentence - the sound of Gloria’s fist connecting with the locker - then her foot kicking the bench against it hard - cut her off. 

Gloria was livid again. Diane took a step back. 

“We aren’t fucking, damn it!” Gloria hissed through clenched teeth. “You…” She shook her head, nostrils flared, taking a few deep breaths. “I don’t have time for this. I need to look after my patients.”

And then she left.

* * *

Diane called in sick the next day. It wasn’t a lie - she felt utterly miserable since yesterday night. And confused. 

She had slept like shit, too. She didn’t bother preparing coffee - she just flopped down on the couch. Didi had been worried when she had skipped dinner and Diane had felt bad about it - Didi wasn’t supposed to worry. So she made up the story about feeling ill, and somehow, over the night, the lie had ingrained itself so deep into her that she really did feel under the weather. 

She wondered if she should get some much needed housework done, or watch tv instead, but none seemed all that appealing. She regretted calling in sick already. But she was full of stupid decisions lately, wasn’t she?

Gloria did that to her. She snorted. It had been a while since she had been in love and now she remembered why she hadn’t missed it.

Now it was fucking with her life and Jesus, did Diane hate it. It hadn’t just infiltrated her thoughts, it had infiltrated her work. She was a grown up woman - she wasn’t supposed to be this stupid.

Pull yourself together, she chastised herself. She thought about calling Gloria - imagined telling her that everything she had done she had done because she had her best interest at heart and because she loved her. She imagined leaving that abysmal job, finding something else, waiting a while until grass had grown over the whole thing and then try again with the woman. In another scenario she was sending her flowers, apologizing for everything just to get it out of the way and asking her for a fresh start. 

None of them seemed actually feasible. 

She couldn’t even understand what the woman’s problem was - if she and the other man hadn’t been fucking, what else had been going on? She hadn’t been working with them - apart from the idea being utterly ridiculous, if she had she wouldn’t have tried to prevent the theft in the first place. 

But what else? Her thoughts were disrupted when the phone rang. 

For a second she thought about leaving it be, but then again, what if it was Didi’s school? She picked up.

“Diane?” Gloria.

“Hello, Gloria,” she said. She wondered if she should make her voice sound sick or if Gloria would see through the charade.

“Are you alright? I heard you called in sick for your shift before I left.”

Why was she asking that? Wasn’t Gloria angry at her? 

“Just something I ate” And more tentatively: “How are you?”

“I wanted to have a talk, but if you-”

“No” Diane cut her off. “It’s not that bad, we can talk”

“Can I come over? I’d rather do this face to face.”

Diane looked around her living room. It was a mess - there were crisps all over the floor from Didi’s latest sleepover party, magazines and half-empty bottles of lemonade everywhere. Diane hadn’t cared enough to clean it up yet or tell Didi to do it, and now she regretted that one. The kitchen was even worse, she had seen Didi eat her noodles on a paper plate yesterday. There was no way she could get ready in time and clean this mess up.

“I’m having a doctor’s appointment in an hour,” she lied. “We can meet up afterwards, there’s a diner close by.”

* * *

It had taken her a while to look decent enough to not embarrass herself in public and still sick enough for her lie not to be discovered. 

She didn’t have to wait long for Gloria - the woman entered the diner impeccable as always, no trace of what happened yesterday. 

She sat down greeting her, grabbing the menu. 

“Did you get enough sleep? Your shift ended just a few hours ago.”

Gloria nodded. “I got a few hours, that’s enough.”

Diane could feel herself getting restless. Gloria had obviously calmed down, bu the suspense was starting to grate on Diane. 

The waitress came over to refill Diane’s coffee and take Gloria’s order - eggs, bacon, and coffee - and Diane couldn’t wait for the woman to buzz off again.

But even then Gloria didn’t start talking. She filled her coffee with sugar and cream and stirred it agonizingly slowly.

“I don’t know how to even start.” Gloria didn’t look up. “You have to promise me to not tell anyone else. I have to be able to trust you on this.”

Diane nodded. “I won’t tell a single soul. I promise. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Gloria took a few deep breaths. “Emilio and I don’t have the relationship you think we have.”

Diane got that one yesterday. “What kind of relationship do you have then?”

Gloria’s bacon and eggs arrived, but she didn’t touch them. 

“Before my mother married again, we lived in a bad part of town... “ she started, her eyes fixated on the table. “My older brother, Javy… He got involved with some bad people and he ended up addicted to… well, a lot of stuff… One day, when I was fifteen he stole my grandmother’s jewelry and left to live with his girlfriend. My mother didn’t want me to keep in touch with him, she said he was a bad influence... He showed up a few months later to ask our mother for money because his girlfriend was pregnant… but my mother didn’t believe him and sent him away. Next time I saw him was at his funeral. He was trying to get off the drugs and he failed… he overdosed.”

Diane didn’t know what to say. She never expected this. 

“I met his girlfriend there, too… My mom and I, we hated her. She was a real bitch and an addict like my brother, but she really was pregnant…”

Diane had a hunch where this was going. She didn’t like it.

“We kept in touch and two months later Emilio was born.”

Diane swallowed the lump that had been forming in her throat. How could she have been so wrong? That explained… “That’s why you started working in Oz?”

Gloria shook her head. “No, shortly after he was born she and my mother got into a fight and she took the baby and left… I never saw him again until… I recognized his name and date of birth in the files… And when I saw him… He got his looks from her… and my grandmother’s rosary around his neck… the one that Javy stole.”

He was her nephew. That was even worse than she had thought. She had stood by and done nothing as Gloria’s nephew had been led away to be tortured. She would never be able to confess that one to the other woman. 

“After my mother remarried… We were so busy with our new lives, we never bothered to look for him… and now look how his life turned out... “ Here voice was breaking, her eyes reddening. “I wanted to tell him… who I am, who he is to me...”

“He doesn’t know?”

“I feel that after yesterday… I won’t ever be able to tell him.”

* * *

Gloria still hadn’t shown up. After yesterday’s talk she thought they were back to normal at least, spending their lunch breaks together. 

Diane had been wrong about that one. She doubted Gloria would show up in the next hour. Maybe she was still in medward. She remembered the untouched bacon and eggs yesterday. She should go look, make sure the woman ate something. 

She took the tray with her - it wasn’t unusual for staff to eat elsewhere if work had to be done. She would return the tray later. 

She found Gloria in medward, sitting next to her nephew’s bed, her lunchbox on her lap, his tray next to him on the bed.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked.

Gloria smiled - “It’d be a pleasure.” - before turning her attention back to Emilio.

“Now you can’t just sit here and eat nothing when both of us are eating, Emilio.”

But he didn’t react. Didn’t even look at her, or Diane, or anywhere else, really. His eyes were empty. 

“Emilio, please talk to me, don’t make me look like an idiot in front of Diane, alright?”

Nothing. He didn’t even move a muscle in his bruised up face. She tried to blend out the marks of violence on him for a moment to study his face. His eyes were nothing like Gloria’s dark, dreamy ones at all, but they both had the same caramel skin, dark curls, and full, pouty lips. 

A shiver ran down her spine - for a second she imagined Gloria there, her face full of bruises, her dark curls ripped out with the skin, her gaze empty, just a shell. She tried to banish the picture into the back of her mind where she’d never have think of it again - even the thought of Gloria that way - beaten, violated - made her feel sick. 

“Is it the food? You hate it?” Gloria sounded desperate and it broke Diane’s heart. She wanted to reach out, grab that brat’s chin and force the damn gruel down his throat. “I got some potatoes here, want me to mash them up for you? I made them this morning myself.”

“You can have my pudding if you want, too,” Diane offered. 

Still no reaction. Gloria sighed. “That’s alright, we’ll try again later.”

She got up and motioned Diane to follow her. Once she closed the door to her office, Gloria let herself fall onto her chair with a loud sigh.

“We had an argument, earlier. I said some things that I shouldn’t have.” Diane stepped over to the other woman’s chair and leaned against it. 

“He won’t say who did this to him.”

Diane wasn’t surprised. Snitching would be suicide, and it wouldn’t go fast. “That’s how it is in prison.”

But of course that was foreign to Gloria - Gloria was a good girl - she expected the system to work and she rightfully did so. She was innocent in that regard and it pained Diane to be the one to shatter that innocence. 

“You just have to leave it be. He’ll heal and then he’ll be back in the general population. There is nothing you can do to change that.”

“But I’m here. I’ll protect him. He can tell me.”

Diane shook her head. “You can’t. Neither can I. Even if you get every correctional officer in this building on your team - which you don’t - it won’t be enough.”

Gloria was silent - Diane was grateful for that - at least at first. Then the silence started to turn on her - it became increasingly uncomfortable. 

“So I can’t get revenge on those assholes who hurt my nephew… and I can’t protect him either, that’s what you are telling me? All I can do is stand by and wait to stitch him up again?”

“I’m sorry.” And she was. Gloria sounded so defeated. So utterly sad, she wanted to hug her and tell her it would be alright. Instead, she grabbed the other woman’s hand.

“He’s just got to make it until he’s out on parole. Then you can really help him, make sure he stays out of prison. You have to focus on that.” 

Gloria nodded, her face tense. She squeezed Diane’s hand - for a moment, Diane was startled - then she squeezed back.

“It’ll be alright”, she said, “I’m here for you.”

* * *

It was a nice day - the sun was shining and Diane had finally gotten around to doing the damn dishes. The rest of the flat was still a mess - but after airing out and removing the source of the stench the flat had gained at least two stars. 

She was going to tackle the chaos in the living room next. Thank God Didi had felt bad enough to vacuum the crisps off the couch a few days ago. The last thing she wanted was some infestation to deal with. 

Especially mice or rats - Didi had talked about getting a pet and she really didn’t want her to get attached to vermin on top of everything. Talking her out of keeping that mouse they had caught in the school cafeteria had been tiring enough - and even then she had to drive an hour into the woods to release the thing there with a bunch of proviant to get it through the winter. 

And while it was annoying, she couldn’t help feel relieved - that Didi wasn’t like her father at all. So what if Didi was a slob sometimes? She was compassionate and she cared for others - Diane remembered her ex shooting at pigeons once when he had been bored - and she knew that Didi would have been horrified to see that. It pleased her. Against all odds Didi had managed to turn out decent. Diane was proud of her.

She found a few sticky blankets. Cola spills. She’d have to put those in the washing machine. 

She wondered how Marlene’s mother dealt with all those sleepovers. Diane allowed Didi to organize one every two months and she already felt it was way too much. If what Didi said was true - and Diane trusted it was - then Marlene had a sleepover almost every weekend additionally to her home being the favorite hangout of the two girls on weekdays.

Then again Marlene’s mother was a housewife, married to a guy who made enough to afford all that. Marlene’s mother was a woman who made good decisions. Unlike Diane.

If she had made better decisions in life maybe she could have given Didi more. A nice house with a garden where she could have friends over. Barbeques, spending the summer nights outside, building her own igloo in winter, playing in the leaves. A dog though not a cat - she was allergic. Maybe siblings. A father who cared. 

But she hadn’t. 

The doorbell rang. She didn’t expect anyone. 

It rang again. 

Fine. She looked through the fisheye. Gloria.

* * *

“So what brings you here?” Diane asked. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, I just didn’t expect you today”

“Preston and I - we had a fight,” she said, her voice devoid of any emotion. “He says he’s worried, but he’s worried all the time… I just need someone I can talk to”

“And you can’t talk with Preston”

“No… ever since I started that job I haven’t been able to talk to him properly.” She shrugged. “His answer to everything is ‘Quit the job, we have enough money for you to stay at home’ He doesn’t get me at all.”

“Because it’s not about the money.”

“No, it isn’t, but Preston doesn’t get that.”

Diane nodded as she handed Gloria the cup of hot chocolate and sat down next to her on the couch. 

“I’m a grown woman, I can handle myself… but Preston he thinks he has to play the big protector.” She snorted. “By nagging me to quit my job so all those evil, scary men can’t look at me.”

Well, he had a point, but Diane wasn’t going to tell her that. The prison was a dangerous place - they had way too little funding to afford the security their clientele required and if those people ever decided to stop screwing each other over and started to work together - they would be so fucked. Fucked wouldn’t even begin to describe it - more like, fucked, tortured, murdered. And not necessarily in that order. The squad team wouldn’t be fast enough to save them. Or anyone else for that matter. If the place wasn’t located two hours away from civilization she could hope that they’d be too busy flaying one of her more sadistic coworkers before they’d get to her, but she was pretty sure that in the first hour they’d be back to torturing each other because there wouldn’t be any staff left. 

She had to make sure Gloria was out of there before that happened. Until then Schillinger’s unwillingness to compromise was God-sent. The man would probably be more willing to put his dick into the deep fryer than cooperate with Keane. God bless that sick bastard.

“But do you really want to work in this dump forever? You have way better options in life,” Diane said before she grabbed the remote, turning the tv on.

“Of course not, the moment I get a better job I’m outta there.” Gloria’s voice sounded indignant, and Diane breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m going to hand my notice in and send out applications the moment Emilio gets his parole.”

“You don’t have to wait that long” She just wanted Gloria to be safe. Safe and happy. “I’m still here after all.”

“You are the best.” Gloria smiled broadly. “You are really here for me.”

“Of course I am.” She’d always be there for Gloria. She loved her. 

“But I can’t leave until I’ve told Emilio… I have to make sure he joins Sister Pete’s drug program, goes to therapy, stays out of trouble and I need to know when he gets out on parole… I should start thinking about where he’ll stay, too, I don’t want him in some halfway house, alone with some ex-cons” 

Emilio was an ex-con, too, but she bit back that one. What could she tell her, anyway? Gloria was a loyal woman - she wouldn’t let her nephew down. Diane respected that - Gloria’s selflessness was admirable. And wouldn’t Diane do the same for her family? 

“Do you want him to move in with you? What does Preston say to all that?”

Gloria shrugged. “I can’t talk to Preston about him, he wouldn’t get it”

“So he doesn’t know?”

“Only you know” Diane’s heart skipped a beat. “Not even my mother knows”

Gloria really trusted her… more than anyone else. She didn’t know how to respond to that. So she said nothing - she flipped through the channels but she didn’t really pay attention to the tv - Gloria began leaning more and more against her. Gloria was warm and soft and she smelled of strawberries. 

“Oh, that one!” Gloria exclaimed. Diane stopped. Supernatural Academy. She hated that show. “It’s a rerun of Supernatural Academy, I love that show”

“Heh,” Diane laughed weakly. “Me too.”

Supernatural Academy wasn’t that bad with Gloria snuggled up against her, she decided. In fact, she could get used to it. Make it a weekly thing. At least.

* * *

“It’s already late…” Gloria looked at her watch. “You got work tomorrow?”

Diane nodded. “Same shift as you.”

Gloria closed her eyes, sighing. “Well, I guess… I’ll have to-”

“If you want you can stay - I mean, if you don’t want to go home yet, we can watch some more tv.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense, you’re not imposing!”

Gloria smiled, snuggling up to her again. Diane couldn’t believe her luck. She was alone with Gloria. With that beautiful woman.

Fuck. She wasn’t prepared at all. Her flat was a clusterfuck and the last time she had shaved… she actually couldn’t remember the last time she had shaved. 

“Just don’t expect a luxury suite though” she grinned, trying to overplay her discomfort.

“Where’s your daughter? Shouldn’t she be home by now?”

“Sleepover.” If Didi was here things would be easier, that was for sure. Then she wouldn’t have to make that decision. Damn it, it wasn’t an easy one either.

A chance like that wouldn’t present itself everyday. Should she take the first step? At least try?

But Gloria was upset - she hurt - and taking advantage of her state would be… wrong. If only Didi was here - holding back would be so much easier then. 

She needed a topic that was the opposite of hot without getting weird.

“So, Preston,” Diane started, “You think he’ll react negatively to Emilio?”

Gloria snorted. “React negatively? Well put. He and his parents vote for Develin, what do you think?”

Diane raised her eyebrows. “Election-time must be interesting at your place.”

Gloria didn’t look at her. “I used to vote for that asshole, too, when I still had no idea about… everything.”

“You’ll have to tell him one day.”

“If I time it right… maybe he’ll never find out that Emilio was in prison… it’d be so much easier.”

“But don’t you think...” Diane didn’t know if she should say it - but she did so anyway. “That if you can’t even be honest about that with him, he might not be right for you?”

There was a long silence - Diane was starting to regret her words already. 

“That’s always the way it has been in my family” Gloria shrugged. “Always keeping secrets. My mom… she didn’t tell her second husband she had a daughter until he proposed to her. Never even mentioned Javier - I was never allowed to talk about him when Howard was around, either… and by extension his baby… I don’t think she has told him to this day…”

“You don’t keep in touch with them?”

“I do, but we don’t talk about those kind of things, at least Howard doesn’t. They live in Florida now, I visit them once a year and we talk on the phone occasionally… But since he fell ill my mom calls me to talk about all her regrets in life… I suspect she still can’t be honest with him.”

“And now you are stuck in the same situation.”

Gloria shrugged again. “She could never be honest with anyone. You know, I always thought that we never had any contact with Ana-Lucia and the baby because Ana-Lucia was being a bitch or something. Wanna know what she told me last week?”

Diane nodded. 

“She thought that being a grandmother would be really off-putting when looking for a man… That she prioritized getting us out of that shithole, affording a decent education for me… so she gave Ana-Lucia some money and told her she didn’t want anything to do with them.”

Diane put her arm around Gloria, pulling her closer. “That’s not your fault.”

“Of course it isn’t… She just… she knew right from wrong, but she did what was more convenient or more sensible… She said that feelings didn’t matter, that’s how adults act, how a woman acts.” Gloria snorted. “You know what happened four years later? Ana-Lucia showed up at our doorstep in beautiful suburbia, offering shared custody for money, even full custody after my mother declined… in the end she almost begged her to just take the kid… and what did my mother do? Tell her to never show up again or she’d call the cops, shut the door in her face. All she thought of was how difficult the kid might be - who’d want the hassle of a disturbed child of some drug addicted hooker in their house she said. She said she wouldn’t have known what to tell the neighbors, her new friends on the lane, she was embarrassed already that someone might have seen them stand on the doorstep of her nice suburban home… You know, she even mentioned that the kid looked so thin and had way too many bruises but she still closed that door... all she could think about was that unimportant shit.”

Diane didn’t know what to say. Every response she could possibly give could be the wrong one. So she settled for silence.

“I never wanted to be that way… I wanted to be honest, do what’s right… But I didn’t even tell my mother about Emilio. I didn’t even tell her I work in a prison... ” She snorted. “Looks like I can’t be honest with anyone either.”

“But you are honest with me, aren’t you?”

Gloria nodded and for a while there was silence between them. Then she rested her head on Diane’s shoulder. “I suppose you are different.”

* * *

She thought that they were over that one and back to having lunch together again. Apparently she had been wrong.

Gloria hadn’t shown up. Diane finished her meal and made her way to medward.

“Oh, Officer Wittlesey!” Grace greeted her cheerily. “Come to visit Doctor Nathan? Watch out, someone is in a very bad mood today!”

“Why?”

“No idea.” Grace shrugged and pointed to Gloria’s office. “You’ll have to find out.”

She knocked on the door.

“What?! Is it important?!”

Good enough, she thought and opened the door. “Hello, I thought I’d drop by, see how you are doing.”

Gloria grunted and Diane closed the door. 

“Had a bad day?”

Gloria shrugged.

“You know you can tell me.”

Gloria pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket and slammed it on the table. Diane took it. 

Emilio’s blood tests? No, HIV tests. Fuck. Why couldn’t Gloria get a break once in awhile?

“We drew blood after… you know, that thing happened. Standard protocol so we can tell if a infection was a preexisting condition or not.” 

She didn’t need to look at the paper further to tell what was going on, but it was definitely more comfortable looking at something other than Gloria right now. 

“He’s been having it for a while now.” Gloria’s voice was flat. “So the good news is that his rapists most likely got it too. I’ll have some really good guesses who they are when I’ll do a routine check up in a few months. The bad news is he’ll have to take medication for the rest of his life… if he doesn’t die first. But for now I need an hour or so to calm down in here. I got three members of El Norte out there. I’m afraid if I get out I’ll stab them with a scalpel.”

“You wouldn’t do that.”

“I hate them so much. These fucking monsters… no regard for the life of others… you know in how much pain Emilio is? He can’t even walk, for fucks sake! The drugs don’t help shit with his level of tolerance and those guys lie there a room over, about to go on their merry ways in a week, back to hurting people just like they hurt my nephew! If we can’t put these fucking animals on the fucking chair already, why can’t we at least drug them and strap them to the bed so they stop going around hurting others?!”

She was almost screaming by the end of her rant and Diane could feel herself recoil. She didn’t know Gloria like… this. “Would you want Emilio to be treated like this? He’s an inmate here, too,” she said. She didn’t want Gloria to be so angry it made her seem… cruel.

“Emilio is here for some fucking drug charges and breaking into stores at night! He never hurt anybody! Don’t you dare compare him to these animals! They need to be put down!”

Diane was shocked. She didn’t expect this - she expected Gloria to cry, to throw something, but not this cold rage. Pure hate. It didn’t suit her. 

 

“God, I’m so sorry…” Gloria buried her face in her hands, sighing. “I just… I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m so angry and I just want him to get well again and now… “

Gloria’s voice breaking at the end did it for her. Diane stepped around the table and hugged her, drawing her close. “It’s alright, I get it.”

And she did. She just wanted Gloria to get well again, too.

* * *

“Gloria, this is Didi, Didi, meet my favorite co-worker!”

Gloria grinned. “You can call me Gloria.”

Didi wasn’t comfortable, Diane could tell. Diane had never introduced a co-worker to her and Didi had always been a shy girl. But Gloria handled the situation well. They sat on the kitchen table while Diane prepared the tea and put the muffins on a nicer plate.

By the time she was finished and joined them on the table, Gloria had broken the ice and Didi was more relaxed, telling Gloria her favorite joke. It was a pretty lame one, but Gloria humored the girl and laughed. Diane smiled.

“That tea’s good, where did you get it?” Gloria refilled her cup.

“Supermarket round the corner,” Diane shrugged. “Fig and Pomegranate blend, they call in 1001 night edition or something.”

“I picked it,” Didi chimed in. 

“What good taste you have.” Gloria smiled, taking another sip. 

It was nice - how they interacted, the peaceful atmosphere. She was able to relax. This could become a weekly thing. She wouldn’t mind it becoming a daily thing either. 

Gloria had to go way too soon. Didi thought so, too.

“Will you come again, Gloria?”, Didi asked as they accompanied Gloria to her car.

“Of course, you’re not getting rid of me that easily!” She laughed.

Diane smiled, too. She hoped that was a promise.

She was in a good enough mood to do the dishes right away, even humming as she did so. She grinned. She felt like fucking Snow White. She used to be a biker-girl once… 

She didn’t mind at all.

* * *

“But mom, I’m not feeling well!”

Diane knew it was a lie. She has talked to Marlene’s mother, she knew what was going on in school. But Diane wouldn’t let Didi stay at home - Marlene’s mother might have thought it was alright to let her daughter quit whenever it got difficult, but Diane couldn’t. Didi had to stand her ground against those bullies or she’d always be weak. It was a lesson every kid needed to learn.

“You’re going.”

There was a lot of arguing but slowly “But I’m sick!” turned to “You are so unfair” turned to “Marlene’s mom lets her stay at home” to finally “You don’t know how it is, it’s a nightmare!” 

The root of the problem.

“You know, Didi, sometimes you gotta suck it up and face your problems. Think I like my job?”

“Your job has nothing to do with this! You’re not getting bullied by a whole group of older girls! Do you have any ideas how hard it is?!”

“I was a kid once, too. You know what I did when I was bullied? I stood up for myself. And you need to do the same. You are going. End of discussion.”

“You are so unfair!”

Diane didn’t enjoy this - the thought of sending gentle Didi into that snake pit was repulsive. But it wouldn’t get easier. People were the same anywhere. She needed Didi to face this - to be tough. Diane believed in Didi and she needed her to believe in herself, too.

But she knew it also meant her daughter would have to change. She hated the idea of Didi being any less Didi - of her innocence and gentleness being diminished - or the idea of Didi alone without her there to protect her. 

What had felt like a good decision made her feel like the worst mother in the world one hour into her drive to work.

Maybe she could give Didi some more time - let her be sweet and innocent a little longer - Diane had never been too fond of her hometown anyway. Maybe this was her chance, too. She could just hand in her notice, pack her bags and Didi and start somewhere new. Didi could get another chance at making friends at her school and Diane could finally get a job she could perform without having to play dead inside. 

Sure, Didi would miss her grandma, but they could visit. Or maybe her mum would even come with them. 

Maybe even - Jesus, she was dreaming again, no way this would ever happen - but it was so nice a dream - maybe Gloria would come, too. If she ever decided to divorce Preston they could just start somewhere new.

The whole scenario was too good to ever come true, but for that one hour of driving left it made her smile.

* * *

She set the wine on the couch table and put the bowl of popcorn next to it before she fluffed the pillows on the couch and rearranged the blanket. Gloria would be there any minute - Diane wanted this to be their evening. A good movie - she had rented quite a few so Gloria could pick one - nice wine, just the two of them. 

She had dropped Didi off at her grandmother’s - if Diane’s mom loved one thing it was spoiling her granddaughter anyway - and cleaned the whole flat. She had shaved and put on underwear that was nice enough just in case but wouldn’t make it obvious that she was planning something and she bought a two piece pyjama that suited her well, just for this occasion.

She jumped up excitedly when the doorbell rang and rushed to the door, taking a second to catch her breath before opening it.

Gloria looked beautiful as always. They greeted each other shortly - hugged - and Gloria excused herself to change into something more comfortable. 

For some reason Gloria looked even more beautiful in an oversized shirt and sweatpants. Only Gloria could pull that one off.

Diane couldn’t hide what felt like her stupidest grin when Gloria sat down next to her on the couch.

“Wine?”

“Sure.”

Half a bottle later they were already getting silly. It felt good - relaxing like this. She hadn’t let loose in a long time.

“You know what I like about you?” Gloria leaned in, clinging to her arm. “You keep everyone safe… You help people… You’re a good person...” 

Diane felt her cheeks warm up. Maybe it was just the alcohol. “I just do my jo-”

Gloria kissed her. Her lips tasted like wine, just sweeter. 

Gloria was the sweetest she had ever tasted.

* * *

Diane was confused. After the kiss everything just went on like always - neither she nor Gloria had picked the topic up, and while Diane thought that Gloria was a bit more physical than usual - her hugs lasted longer and were more frequent and she tended to stand closer to her than she did before - Diane just wasn’t sure if it meant anything, nothing, or if it was just her imagination playing tricks on her. 

She needed some clarity, damn it. Especially now that Gloria visited her more often. Not like Diane wasn’t glad that Gloria did, but she just needed to know how to deal with this - was the kiss a drunken mishap or did it mean more? Did it mean anything to Gloria? 

Even now, with Gloria standing in her kitchen dicing the tomatoes, all Diane could think about was the kiss two weeks ago. For fucks sake, the woman liked to talk about everything, why couldn’t she just make it easy for Diane and start talking about what happened?

“I think I diced too much.” Gloria said, pointing to the bowls in front of her.

“It’s alright, Didi will eat it.”

“Doesn’t she eat at Marlene’s?”

“She does, but lately she eats like a horse.” Diane shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s from a growth spurt or because school’s stressing her out.”

Gloria nodded. “I always used to binge eat before tests, too.”

Diane shrugged. Probably wasn’t the tests stressing her out. Marlene’s father was going to take a promotion - they were moving to Canada next month, effectively solving that problem until the new school’s bullies would pick on their daughter. 

She shouldn’t judge them that hard. Wasn’t she the same? She dreamed of leaving this town - this job - the threat to her daughter’s softness - behind and start anew somewhere. Maybe she’d even do it.

Gloria sighing brought her back from drifting off into that thought again. “I wish Emilio would eat like that. Every meal’s a struggle and I just don’t have the time of dealing with it. The nurses are getting sick of it, too.”

“How’s the medication doing?” Diane asked.

“Doesn’t help much. The lab results are still…” Gloria shook her head. “To be honest, I don’t have much hope left that he’ll leave this prison alive. We’re talking full blown AIDS here.”

She sounded so defeated - it broke Diane’s heart. “Have you thought about getting him released early?”

Gloria shook her head. “I thought about it but what good would it be? I’d have to have Preston on board... I’d have to quit the job, hire a nurse… get the medical equipment… Well, maybe if I promised to never return to the prison Preston would actually put up with it and support me financially.” She snorted. “After all, to him it would be just waiting for Emilio to die… I’m just not… I’m not ready for any of this… not ready for him to die either… I haven’t even told him anything yet.”

Diane nodded and put the minced meat into the frying pan. 

“I’m sorry, I’m always just talking about my problems… how are you doing? You rarely get to talk about what’s bothering you, with me bitching and moaning all the time.”

“It’s alright, I like listening to you.” Diane shrugged. “Life is…” She sighed. “I’m late with the rent again, but that’s kind of a monthly thing, so it’s not that bad... “

“And the family, they doing alright?” 

Diane took a moment to add the other ingredients to the pan and put a lid on it to let it simmer. “Didi’s having trouble at school with some older girls… I don’t know what to do about it, on the one hand she has to learn to stand her ground but on the other hand I just want her to be happy and stay the nice little girl she is.”

“I get that, she really is a wonderful girl... “

“Yeah, she is, but I’m afraid she’s just too weak, you know? It doesn’t get easier in life, it only gets harder, and… you know with whom I had the pleasure last week?”

Gloria shook her head.

“Schibetta’s nephew. Dino Ortolani - remember that name. He’s such a little shit. He couldn’t even stop bullying others for the duration of the ride, he was picking on the guy sitting next to him the whole time… And that’s the kind of people out there… I can’t stomach the thought of Didi having to deal with something like this, ever.”

She felt something warm against her back and then Gloria’s hands around her midriff, pulling her close, hugging her. 

It was all the comfort she needed.

* * *

“Didi’s on a sleepover again?” Gloria asked as she flopped down on the couch next to Diane.

Diane nodded. “Marlene will be moving soon, I want them to have as much time together as possible. It won’t be getting easier for her from now on I’m afraid.”

“Poor girl...” Gloria shuffled closer. 

For a while, they were silent - first contemplating Didi’s struggles, then because of each other’s presence being enough - Gloria had rested her head on Diane’s shoulder and Diane leaned her head against the other woman’s. She changed shampoos. Mango.

“So how’s work?” Gloria’s question broke the silence and for a few moments Diane yearned for the silent togetherness back, just because it had been so soothing. 

“You have no idea… I should get a bonus for every asshole I have to deal with. Remember what I told you about Ortolani?” She didn’t wait for Gloria to answer. “His uncle got him into the kitchen. He’s such a dick that people are requesting to be transferred to the dressfactory. Nobody ever wants to work in the dressfactory, believe me. And he beat the shit out of two gay people already, claiming they ogled him while showering.”

“Sounds like a real sunshine.”

Diane snorted. “He’s a thundercloud… I always thought Schibetta was a chauvinistic jerk, but now that I’ve met his nephew… Schibetta seems more like a pesky little dark cloud occasionally shoving itself between you and the sun.”

“Oh, come on, that’s what I would describe Preston as…”

“Fine, he’s a pesky big dark cloud.”

“So if all the inmates are clouds, what does that make us?”

“I guess we’re somewhat like wind, trying to keep them away from the sun” 

“Then Preston’s a… alright, he doesn’t fit into this allegory at all, he’s just annoying me. You know his new thing? He’s worried someone has seduced me and now I’m having an affair… yeah, because I only work to meet men.”

Diane snorted, trying to mask her discomfort. Diane had thought that once, too. Now she was hoping she herself was that affair. “An affair with whom?”

“He didn’t specify, he says with all the time I’m spending at work and socializing with coworkers that he never meets plus the drought in the bedroom it’s the only logical conclusion.”

“Well, surely Tim has flirted with you.”

“How do you know?”

“Tim flirts with everyone.”

Gloria laughed. 

“And what about you? With whom do you flirt, Officer Wittlesey?” Gloria asked with a husky voice, and if her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her Diane could have sworn she looked a lot more… lascivious. Was she making bedroom eyes?

Fuck it, she was going to risk it and go with the flow. “I only go for special people.” 

It had been a while, but she hoped her sultry expression still looked the part.  
She didn’t have to worry - Gloria’s lips met hers.

And this time they didn’t stop.

* * *

The breakroom was empty until they arrived - it’s grey walls dull as always, the coffee machine broken as it was so often and a chair missing that had been there yesterday. 

Gloria opened the fridge and pulled out a can of ready-to-drink coffee. 

“This has been opened.” She muttered, throwing the can into the trash. “I put a post it on it with my name. Some asshole still thought it was ok to open it and have some of it. He even put the damn post it over the opened lid.”

Diane shrugged. She couldn’t bother to think about coffee nowadays. She and Gloria had slept together, yes, but it left her none the wiser on where they stood. Were they dating now? Or was it just a one-night-stand? The start of a meaningless affair? 

Gloria sat next to her with a glass of water, pouting. “I hope whoever drank that coffee gets instant diarrhea.”

Why couldn’t Gloria for once talk about their relationship? She talked about everything else in her life! Diane just needed to know, for fucks sake! 

But Gloria took her sweet time, didn’t she? Not like Diane would be quitting anytime soon. Her fantasies of moving away and starting anew somewhere were just fantasies. She knew that. Moving cost money they didn’t have and Diane’s mother didn’t want to leave and Diane couldn’t leave the woman alone. She was old, what if something happened? Diane needed to stay close. She needed to support her, even if it was just a doctors appointment that her mother didn’t want to go to alone.

Speaking of which, she still had to call her mother and ask her about the next doctor’s appointment so she could request her shifts to be scheduled accordingly in time. Last doctor’s appointment had left them even more worried. Diane hoped the next one would go better and her mother would be better again. She had been so tired lately, it was eery. Diane didn’t remember her mother ever being tired and there she had been last time Diane had come over, sitting in front of the tv sleeping in the afternoon.

She was worried. 

Diane sighed. She hated even thinking about it. Even the constant confusion about her and Gloria’s relationship status was better than this. She needed distraction.

“So how are you doing?” she asked the other woman. Gloria had stopped pouting and was now sipping the water, her gaze lingering on giant coffee stain on the wall. She remembered how it got there - before he quit the job Officer Smith had flipped his shit and thrown a cup of coffee right at it, narrowly missing Tim’s predecessor, Baker. It had been Diane’s second day on the job. Nobody had bothered to clean it up properly and by now it had become part of the interior decoration. Sister Pete had once said there were a lot of stains said to look like Jesus who looked less like Jesus than the spot did and whenever Diane was tired enough she could see what the nun meant. 

“... and then, of all people, Tim sends me Ortolani to work in the Aids ward!”

Oh fuck, she had totally forgotten about that one. The little shit had beaten up Billy Keane and now...

“And I suspect the experience hasn’t humbled him?”

Gloria shrugged. “He really is a little shit and at first I really didn’t want him there… but now… He gets Emilio to eat at least. And he spends some time with him, talks to him. I think it does him good, he’s been really lonely these past weeks...”

If anyone had asked Diane she would have told them that entrusting anyone - especially vulnerable, sick people - to Ortolani was the worst possible idea. So hearing Gloria say that was more than just surprising. Maybe Tim had a point and she had underestimated the man. Maybe his ideas did work occasionally.

“You know, I can’t even stand to look at Emilio anymore… He’s just wasting away...” Her voice cracked at the end and Diane could see her big eyes watering. She grabbed the other woman’s hand and squeezed it. 

“It’ll be alright,” she said. “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here for you.”

Gloria smiled through her tears and Diane wanted to kiss them away, right here, right now, everything else be damned. “I know that you are. That’s why I love you so much.”

Gloria’s warm body pressed against hers and her beautiful hands came to rest on the small of Diane’s back. Finally, clarity. And relief - no matter what the future would bring, they’d stand through it together. With Gloria by her side it would be alright.

“And I love you.”


End file.
